Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
