omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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