at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
