she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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