I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
