You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
