we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
