I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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