Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
