Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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