I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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