Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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