I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't think brook has ever known best
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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