Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
