youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
