Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
