so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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