My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
