i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
