It was confusing and full of hummus
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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