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I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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