I seem to have left my pride at pride
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
