You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
