i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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