we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
