i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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