one might say we're banned from that church
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
