Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
