i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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