my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
