And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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