then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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