It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
