Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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