Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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