I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
