I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
