So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
