We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
