Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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