life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i already hear my dad disowning me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
