just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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