You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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