i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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