Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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