What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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