Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ugly people sure do ruin things
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
