Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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