arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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