ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
