I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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