i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
